Dream of Reality

I knew he was right for me
I knew he was meant to be mine
and lonely days seemed lonelier when I glanced up at the sky
big and wide
the sky
My mind couldn't let go of him
I couldn't control the desire for my find
He was beautiful, gentlemanly and kind
I couldn't let go of him
in my mind
But he never gave me a reason to cross any line
He never knew me, that's why
but in my mind he was mine
my subconscious would uncover him in my sleep
dreaming of him was how his and I souls could meet
but with eyes wide open, no where was he
no never had he spoke my name
no never had I been his claim
so how can I be right for him
if he doesn't even know me to feel the same
The difference between my fantasy and reality
is that I still have his eyes to gain.
The difference between my fantasy and reality
is that choosing one over the other makes me sane.

A Grown Portrait

I tainted a picture of myself. I scratched off my face because I did not care for how it looked. Still, frozen in this flat 2 deminsional portrait. I erased my face because it was not what I desired others to see. And I didn't want anyone to judge me. I didn't want anyone to say exactly what I was thinking about me. In that portrait, in that freeze. Now that I am older, I wish my face was still there, I remember that girl that was lost and burned by the world, that face was so rare. Now it is gone, scratched off, tainted, never to be revealed again- to compare to her now, who's face I can't stop looking at.

The Drive

The impatient child asks "Are we there yet?"
And the annoyed mother responds "Not yet dear. Just about 30 more minutes until we are"
(2 minutes pass)
"Are we there yet, mom"
"No, now just enjoy the ride"
(5 minutes later)
"Are we there yet??"
"Stop asking me and just be quiet. We'll be there soon."

Stop asking me and we'll be there soon.
The ride.... The drive.... In life can be long.
What is "there" in the journey of life?
What is the hurry to get there so soon? What if "there" isn't as spectacular as the ride? What if "there" is only another ride?
Trees and birds and mountains are passed by, trying to get "there". We're like impatient children, hoping to get "there" quicker than we understand what "there" is. What if "there" isn't really all that worth the drive? What if the drive is what "there" is all about?
ImPatiently, we close our eyes to what is around us while we take a journey towards "there". And our hearts are challenged, our brains are broken, our hurt is magnified and intensified, our pain is parallelled to our impatience. "THERE THERE THERE" Are we there yet!?
What is "there" if we are not mentally aware of the reason we're here? On a road, a journey unfortold, just lived. Oblivious, we drive down a road of fear. Not taking in our surroundings as innocence breaks down to a morsel and a birthing of self begins. We fall, we cry, we crawl, we want to die. But as our hearts build in the journey of life, we become what "there" is... And "there" is only us, in a mirror that once beheld our impatient childish dependant reflection. We, ourselves, are the "there" that we are hoping to get to. Are you "there" yet? Are you "whole" yet?

I am A Woman.

I am a woman who has seen life turn upside down, but has still pressed forward.
I am a woman who has encountered the worst of love, but has still decided to learn how to love myself.
I am a woman who has failed at alot, but has continued to try at success
I am a woman who has been broken many times, but has still tried to put myself back together over and over again.
I am a woman who has hurt others, but has still tried to make things right.
I am a woman who has forgotten who she was, but understand change is a part of growth.
I am a woman who has fallen into a bitter light, but has not accepted darkness.
In my faults, I've found my needs, and in my brokenness, I've found my truths.
I am a woman who has given more than she had of herself, but has not given up.
I am a Woman.- 12/26/12.